The Biggest Misunderstanding for Parents of Teens
There are so many myths and misunderstandings about parenting that get in the way of having the strong, healthy, happy relationships we crave with our children.
The biggest myth parents of teens buy into is that the teen years HAVE TO BE HARD, as in I-don’t-know-how-I’ll-survive-horrible.
Yes, parenting can be hard and the teen years CAN BE challenging, but it doesn’t HAVE TO BE hard.
This misunderstanding starts earlier in our parenting journey, maybe even before kiddo is born - others tell us:
“Oh, good luck getting sleep during the newborn phase - it’s so hard”
“Have fun with the terrible twos - man, my kid wore me out”
“Just wait until they are teenagers - it’s so much harder”
The truth is that every stage of parenting has its challenges as we are learning right alongside our child. They’ve never been here and neither have you traveled this landscape with this incredibly unique child.
This is the WONDER, JOY and CHALLENGE of parenting.
Photo by Robina Weermeijer on Unsplash
Our Brain LOVES to Prove Us Right!
The thing is if you assume that your child is going to be difficult during the teenage years, your brain, specifically the Reticular Activation System (RAS), seeks out evidence that you are right!
The RAS is the part of the brain that looks for all the red SUVs when you are considering buying a red SUV. Suddenly, all you see is Red SUVs. Those vehicles were always there, you just didn’t see them because your RAS didn’t have that filter.
The RAS actively filters OUT the possibility of things going well because of your conscious or subconscious belief that this period of time is not going to be easy. And it actively looks for proof that parenting a teen is tough stuff.
But, you say, parenting teens IS HARD.
Well, there it is!
Factors that Can Make Parenting a Teen Hard
In reality there are so many factors that can make it hard.
First of all, the teen is under an incredible amount of internal and external pressure. It’s hard not to be grumpy when your body is going through a storm of rapid change and there are social pressures to perform in school and be cool coming at you from all sides.
Then there’s you….
There’s you trying to make sense of how your child is reacting to all these pressures.
There's you possibly getting uncomfortable, whether you are aware of it or not, as the teens start to pull away and seek independence.
And there’s you, with your momma’s heart, both excited and a little terrified of the great big world that your teen is starting to launch into.
Or maybe you have your own social pressures to have a child who reflects well on you - pressures from other moms, from family, from your own internal message about how you define your self-worth. Yikes!
So, what do you do about this misunderstanding?
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash
Correcting the Misunderstanding
You hold yourself, first, in your power.
You very intentionally choose to believe over and over again that this doesn’t have to be hard.
You allow yourself to believe that you’ve got this - that you know yourself, your capabilities, your resourcefulness.
And there’s a major key…getting resourceful and having the courage to ask for help when you feel like you are out of your league.
You don’t have to do this alone.
No matter your situation, you are not alone in your experience of parenting a teen.
Be brave - reach out, connect with other moms, ask for help.
The Power of Believing
In fact, this a big way that I help moms - helping them reconnect to themselves and their internal power so that they then can hold their teen in their power, their strength.
I am using the lessons I have learned raising three incredible teens, now 15, 17 and 19, to help other moms of tweens, teens and LGBTQ kids to feel calm, clear and confident as they build stronger, happier, healthier relationships with their teens and themselves.
Photo by Andy Montes de Oca on Unsplash
And I gotta tell you, one of the best things you can do for your teen is BELIEVE in them, in their capabilities, their resourcefulness.
They are scared, confused and disoriented even. They need us to be SOLID in who we are AND who they are.
Our teens need us to be a rock for them, a guide post that reminds THEM that they’ve got this.
So, I’m curious - what do you think?
How have you bought into this myth that parenting teens has to be hard?
How are you holding yourself and your teen in the truth of your incredible power?
I’d love to hear your thoughts - email me at Carrie@CarrieBaquie.com, and let me know what you think!
An Invitation to Become an Even More Awesome Mom!
Hungry to learn more about how to build stronger, happier, healthier connections with your tween or teen with calm, confidence and a dash of good humor?
Come join the FREE Awesome Mom Online Event where myself and 20+ speakers are spilling the secrets at the heart of mothering tweens and teen without losing yourself or spending years in therapy rehashing the past.
Tap into highly effective communication, leadership and mindset strategies so that you can set the foundation of a great relationship with your child that will carry through this lifetime and ripple forward into generations to come.
Don’t miss this FREE event power-packed with tips, tools and techniques that will transform your parenting even if you’ve tried it all and are at your wit’s end. Click >>>HERE<<< to sign up.
Sending so much Love & Light,
Carrie Baquié
Carrie@CarrieBaquie.com
